Question for you.  What is keeping you from being a better spouse?  I am assuming if you are on this website, and still reading, that you have at least some desire to have a good marriage.  Honestly, I know very few people who don’t want a good marriage, and even those I know who have a good marriage want to make it better.  So, what is one thing needs to change for you to be a better spouse.  What is one thing it would take for you to be a better husband?  What is one thing that needs to change for you to be a better wife.

Think about it for a minute.  I’ll wait.  Do you have it.  Is it in your mind?  Don’t read on until you have it.  OK, Got it?

I am going out on a limb.  I am making a guess, and this whole post may be wasted, because I may be wrong, but I am going to guess anyway.  The one thing that needs to change for you to be a better spouse is most likely a circumstance, or the other person.  I am guessing that you said something like, “I would be a better husband if…

I didn’t have to work so many hours.

I had more free time

we had a little more money

she was more supportive of me

she didn’t nag so much

I wasn’t so stressed out

And, not to let the wives off the hook, I am guessing that yours were similar.  “I would be a better wife if…

I wasn’t so tired

we had a little more money

He would just listen to me

he would just make more time for me

the kids were older

I wasn’t so stressed out

And you know what, those things may be true!!!  In fact, if life was easy, and things went smoothly and everything fell into place the way we wanted it, and our spouse did a great job of taking care of the things they were supposed to, and we never had to deal with stress and chaos, I things might be a lot smoother all the time, and marriages might even be better.  Or maybe not!!!

But that’s not the life we have here today.  Things aren’t perfect.  Kids get sick, and life stresses us out.  We are short on money, and short on time.  We are married to imperfect spouses who will always mess up something.  So, could I suggest something.  Might I give you an idea.  What if you picked one thing, one small thing, and I do mean small.  What if you did one thing to yourself to make yourself a better spouse.  What if, instead of waiting for the world around you to fall into place so you would be a good spouse, what if you went ahead and did one tiny thing to be a better husband.

There is, however, one caveat.  You can’t do this thing with the motivation of “straightening the other one out.”  In other words, you can’t change something so that they will change something.  This must be your gift to your Father in Heaven.  This must be something you do to serve Jesus, to show your love for him in a deeper way, and your desire to be like Him, whether your spouse improves or not.  If you do it with the intention of “If I change this, then they will have to do better.”, you WILL be disappointed.  If you change something to love and serve Jesus, and delight in pleasing him, you will reap some amazing benefits, even if your spouse and/or circumstances NEVER gets better, and even if they get worse!!!

You can't change something to make them change something, it has to be a gift Click To Tweet

Here are some ideas.  Give an extra hug a day, schedule 5 minutes a day for your spouse for undivided attention (no phone, no computer), make yourself smile when you talk to them, give one compliment a day, find a time each day you can say a specific thank you to them.  Say a short prayer each day for them.  Decide to keep your criticism to yourself once a day, make a cup of coffee for them.  In other words, find one small way that you can be Jesus to your spouse, EVERY DAY.  Whether your spouse changes or not, whether circumstances change or not, if you are serving Christ, you will change!!!

You see, I have been thinking about marriages a lot, and it seems to me that everyone thinks they would be a great spouse, IF.  and the if is almost always something external, and we just wait for that IF to fall into place, and then we can do what we want to do.  Instead, why don’t we find something to change.  Why wait for the world to change for us, let’s go out and change our little, tiny corner of the world, our marriage, our family, and let’s see the impact that could have, all for the glory of God!!!



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