There is not a relationship on the earth that doesn’t operate without compromise.

  • : a way of reaching agreement in which each person or group gives up something that was wanted in order to end an argument or dispute

  • : something that combines the qualities of two different things

  • : a change that makes something worse and that is not done for a good reason

The very definition of a relationship can be summed up in the second definition of the word.  A combination of two different things. Yes, marriage is definitely a combination of two very different, very unique things.  It is a combination of a man and a woman.

But I want to talk about the first definition today.

Each person or group gives up something that was wanted in order to end an argument or dispute.

When you have a combination of two very different things.  Namely people. There are gonna be times when you put aside your wishes for the good of the relationship.  And not just a few times.  A good marriage thrives with compromise.  Even eating out could bring a need for compromise.  I want Chinese, Shane wants BBQ.  Somehow, we come to a conclusion.  One of us sacrifices what we really want for the other.  The alternative?  Not eating?  Not gonna happen.  Sometimes we may toss out both options and go for Mexican!

relationships need compromise! Click To Tweet

What is compromise?  Compromise is serving each other before ourselves.  It is a basic Christian tenant.  God calls Christian to serve. Christ himself was a servant-leader.  He was the ultimate servant-leader.  He gave up everything in Heaven to give up his life on earth for our sins. We are to live our lives by his example, we are to lay down our life for our fellow man. AND for our spouse.

giveandtake

A servant puts others needs above their own.  That means when I don’t want to cook dinner but I have a houseful of hungry people, I cook dinner.  When Shane gets himself another cup of coffee in the morning, he offers me another cup too.  In a marriage, we serve each other. It ‘s not about 50/50 or even 100/100, it’s about sacrificing ourselves for the other.  Laying down our life.

When we are serving each other, we are compromising what we may really want to do for the good of the other, for the good of the relationship.  When two people are in a relationship, there will be disagreements.  If there are not disagreements, it’s not a true relationship. If you’re married and you have no disagreements, there is something vastly wrong! Children and parents will have disagreements; always.  Friends will disagree. And the resolution is usually in compromise.  Finding a middle ground, or agreeing to disagree.

If there are no disagreements, then the relationship has to be more like a slave with it’s master, just by it’s very nature.  When you are a slave you have no say in what you do, how you do it, when you do it or why you do it.  Your job is to obey the master, nothing more, nothing less.  Yessah, no ma’am…

if we are unwilling to compromise, we aren't looking for a relationship, but for a slave Click To Tweet

Eartha Kitt was probably best known for her role as Catwoman on the Batman series. Below is a snippet of an interview for a 1982 documentary she gave.  Let’s forget the fact that she’s acting like a psycho woman in the clip and focus on her words.

“Compromise? What is compromise?”

“A man comes in to my life and I have to compromise?  STUPID!”

“A relationship has to be earned!”

“I fall in love with myself and I want someone to share it with me”

“I want someone to share me with me”

It sounds like she wanted a yes man.  Someone that would agree with her in everything and would never argue.  Someone that would be at her beckon call.  In other words it sounds like she wanted a slave.

Interesting perspective coming from a black feminist.

I think this can give us a clue as to what is wrong in relationships today.  It’s all about the person.  Not about what one can give, but what one can get, and when the getting gets bad, it’s time to move on…anyone else feel like crying now?

Christy

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