So, I am reading the headlines of some of the online papers, and come across this one. “Why Every Couple Should Dread January 9th.” It was an article on the New York Post, and I will admit it, I can be as much of a sucker for click bait as anyone. So, I followed the link. Apparently, the gist of the article is that, statistically, January 9th, the 3rd Monday after Christmas, is the busiest day for the start of an affair, according to people who track such things. If only it were that easy!!! They say the stress of the holidays, and needing something to “inject a little excitement into their life” after the routine of the holidays. But, what I guess disturbed me the most was the last line. “This is the result of a legitimate human need: to have fun and to think of ones self.”
You know what’s funny, those are the exact reasons I don’t have an affair (other than the obvious reasons that God has commanded).
- I want to have fun. Please understand, I am not naïve enough to think that there isn’t a part of an affair (let’s call it what it really is, adultery), that wouldn’t be “fun”. There is always something exciting about doing wrong( or it wouldn’t be a temptation), whether it is a kid getting the thrill of stealing the candy bar, or sneaking a drink or a smoke when you thought no one knew. I am told that there is an excitement to someone different and new, but excitement isn’t the same as fun. Fun is what my wife and I had last night. She had a new iPhone she was trying to figure out, and I was tired so, I want on to bed. She came to bed a while later, and snuggled up next to me, woke me up and, let’s just say, we had fun!!! We had fun because we know each other, deeply and intimately. We had fun, because we had laughed together that day about her videotaping me opening my “Box of Awesome” that I got in the mail. We had fun because earlier in the day she held the screws and level while I put some hooks in the wall for her. We had fun because we had a relationship that was more than just 2 horny adults. The culmination of the fun was the two of us falling asleep together, deeply satisfied and having enjoyed our day (and night) together. That was fun!!!! No affair will ever give me that kind of fun!! We’ve been married more than 22 years, so I get it, not everyday is fun. There are dry periods, there are times that aren’t fun. But I have always been a believer that having fun is more about what you make it, than what happens to you. We have learned that lately, we have had to be more intentional in our fun, and it is paying off. We have had a painting class, dance classes, time to just visit, and who knows, maybe tonight we’ll play Scrabble!!
- I want to think of myself. If I am honest, I have a list of things (I bet you do to), that if Christy would just do this list of things, I would be happy. Truth is, I am happiest when I am serving her, and doing for her. Coffee in the morning is my job. My wife is fully capable of pouring a delicious cup of coffee, but it is my pleasure to make sure her coffee cup is full all morning long, until she is done. When I am out, I see little things that remind me of her. I find myself thinking, “What would Christy think of this”, or “That looks like something she would enjoy.” I will never forget when I was 18, I took a mission trip to Russia. I experienced all kinds of new sights, sounds, and even emotions. But the one thing I remember most clearly is how alone I felt. Not lonely mind you, because I was content where God had me. I felt however, that part of me was missing. I wanted to remember everything so I could share it with someone, and I hadn’t even met Christy yet. I still feel that. When I see something interesting, I want to share it with her. When I hear something funny, I want to tell her. Serving her is the most satisfying thing I can do in our marriage (except serving Christ, and fact is, serving my wife is serving Christ). However, when I think only of myself, and place demands on my wife, tell her that she needs to do something to make me happy, lead her to believe that “if only…” then I could be what I needed to be, I am thinking of myself, but I find I am least satisfied. Maybe that is a little glimpse into why God told us to love our wives like we love our own bodies. When we are one, and I think of her, I am thinking of myself. I don’t want to hurt myself, or destroy that relationship, and that’s what would happen with adultery.
I am sure I will speak more on this later, but when I am most focused on serving Christ (and one of Christ’s commands to me was to serve my spouse), I am most satisfied in Him and I am happiest. So, come January 9th, I plan to have a little fun :), and to think of myself that day!!! In doing so, I hope that I will continue to build a marriage that will last “’till death do us part”