(We work hard to have a family friendly site, including a place for unmarried couples and kids to get ideas in preparation for marriage.  However, this post is rated a PG.  Please use discretion as you read)

I am a bit of a political junkie.  Not in the sense that if my candidate doesn’t win I am going to be heartbroken or devastated, more in the sense that I enjoy watching the strategy, the candidates, what is being said, who wins what delegates, who wins with what constituency. You know, strategy.  As a guy, I love strategy, out thinking my opponent.  I think that’s why baseball is my favorite sport.  Anyway, most every morning as I get started on my work day, I check out news websites.

Well, this is a sampling of the headlines that I was greeted by on a couple of the news sites.

Bill Cosby’s wife said she never read the sex assault depositions

GUESS girl Dani Knudson wears little more than leather jacket in Instagram post

Courtney Stodden copies Kim Kardashian’s nude photo

Swedish women warned ‘don’t go out at night’ amid migrant sex attacks

Woman gives birth to twins — with different fathers

Out of their league: Ugly guys who date bombshells

What’s on her mind during sex (I actually visited this one for a brief moment, more on this in a minute)

This is on highly respected news website, not junk sites.

In addition to this, I have Covenant Eyes on my computer.  (If you are not familiar with this program, it is a great way to provide accountability for websites you visit on your devices.)  Each week Christy gets a report of websites I visit.  Well, I was flagged this week for 2 websites that I visited..  Why?  Not because of anywhere I went on purpose, but because of some ads that popped up. and interestingly enough for, FoxNews.

I build this all up, and probably don’t need to, because you know as well as I do that sex is everywhere.  TV ads (even if the show is clean), billboards, magazines at checkout, and of course, the internet.  Frankly, society has attempted to reduce sex to a bodily function, of not much more consequence than a sneeze.  It is something that you do, a physical thing, and that is it.

love

So, we are supposed to imitate Christ, husbands are supposed to be Christ to their wives.  We are both called to love the way Christ did.  How does this relate to sex.

I was thinking about this, especially as related to a post Christy wrote a while back about Love not being a 4 letter word.  Love and sex is a gift from God, but it causes all kinds of conflicts in marriage.  Our marriage has also had its share of conflicts over sex.  So, how does sex relate to loving the way Jesus loves?

so how does sex relate to loving the way Jesus loves? Click To Tweet

Well, God created sex to be one of the few things that should only done inside of the marriage.  You can have friendships, you can do things together, a lot of other things can be done inside or outside of marriage, but sexual relations is the one thing confined to inside the marriage relationship.  That means that there is only 1 person in the entire world that God designed to satisify you sexually.  Only one.  So, for us guys, instead of looking to how I can get what I want because I am horny, how about finding a way to satisfy my wife.  What if I loved like Jesus did and made sure she was provided for, well before the bedroom.  What if I made sure she knew how valuable and important, and most of all loved she was from the minute I got up in the morning, all through the day.  What if I called her just to tell her I love her.  What if I gave her a backrub, just because, with no expectation of anything else (in fact, if you do this, shock her socks off and if she thinks you are just wanting sex, tell her no, you just want to give her a back rub).  How about a snuggle, just because.  And how about NEVER, NEVER, NEVER demanding anything.

I am ashamed sometimes of guys who demand that their wives always be available for sex.  If you demand that, then it isn’t a gift.  And while I am on the subject of demanding, how dare we bring things that we “heard about”, or worse, saw on the computer into our bedroom, especially if it demeans or makes our wives feel bad.  What if, when our wives give us the gift of their bodies in the act of sex, we graciously accept the gift and treat it with the utmost respect and dignity.  And, how about if we continue to treat that gift with the utmost respect and dignity after sex.  What if we treat her body and her mind with respect in the way we talk to her, treat her, act around her, things we say about her, and the love we shower on her.  What if we treat the gift she gives us with careful, considerate reverence all the time, instead of just when we want sex??  What if we treat her body as a gift when she is sick, instead of telling her that it is in her head and demanding that she still get things done around the house.  What if we treat her body as a gift when she doesn’t look her best? I admit I am guilty.  I don’t always show Christy all the love and all the compassion I should at other times.  I am not always the gentleman I should be.  I forget, or worse, neglect to show love, admiration and delight to the gift that my wife is.

Ladies, on the other side, your husband may be a clod sometimes, and may be clumsy sometimes, but you are the ONLY one who can satisfy him sexually, and he wants to be with YOU!!!  He has chosen you, and every time he wants to have sex with you, he chooses you again, over every woman, every movie star, every model, every fantasy, and every old girlfriend.  He wants to be intimate with YOU!!!  Instead of a drudgery, or a dread, or thinking, “AGAIN?!?”, enjoy the fact that your man has chosen this most intimate of all acts to be with the woman of his dreams, you, the woman he has chosen.

WIth this perspective, it makes the argument of whether porn is ok, the argument of “what if my needs aren’t being met”, and the whole idea of questionable activities in the bedroom moot.  As a guy, who has chosen this woman, why would you introduce anything else to try to make God’s gift “Better”?.  And ladies, why would you not enjoy this intimacy with the man who God has given you for a gift.

One more thing (well actually 2, but the other is a disclaimer).  First, I mentioned the article about “What is she thinking”  It was appalling to me to learn that a lot of people use their phones, text, use facebook, etc while having sex.  Again, God gave you a gift of each other, why, oh why would you interrupt it with Facebook.  Focus on each other.

Finally, this has been on my heart for a while, because of some stuff that I see.  But, I also realize that there are real sexual problems out there, including abuse, domination, etc.  As with all of these articles, we are starting with an assumption that you are both reasonable people who want to have a better marriage.  IF there is abuse or addiction, please don’t hesitate, please don’t keep trying to “make it better”.  Seek the help you need.

In short, you don’t demand a gift, you give and receive a gift.  If a gift is demanded, it isn’t a gift.  If a gift isn’t received with joy, then it takes the delight away from the gift giver.  Both of us should focus on giving the gift, and then when the gift is given, enjoying what God has given to us both through a better relationship.

Shane

We’re linking up with Messy Marriage today

 

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