One of the quickest ways to bore people is to tell them about your dreams. I know this. I know dreams can be incredibly boring. I seriously, who hasn’t had the dream that they had to go take a final for a class they didn’t know they had, and had never attended… in their underwear. Or, who really cares that a flying green monster shoots meatballs from his eyes and covers the city in 2 and a half feet of spaghetti, and you are responsible for cleaning it up!!! And, what about the falling dream, you know the one, you are walking along, and all the sudden you are falling, falling, falling and you wake up just before you hit the ground. They say if you hit the ground in the dream you die. I don’t know that this is true, but I don’t want to find out.
So, having said that, it is with a little fear that I am actually going to share with you a dream I had a few days ago. I share it because it really has bothered me, and I share it because I think there is some significance there. To understand the background a little bit, you need to know a couple of things about us. First of all, we love having company. We love to entertain (well, I don’t know that we actually do any “entertaining”, but we do love to have people over). Often, when folks are scheduled to come over, I work outside right up to the last minute, and run in to take a quick shower before company comes. Often, I don’t quite make it and I am finishing getting dressed in the bedroom when the company comes.
The second thing you need to know is that right now we are aware, or helping to deal with several situations where deviant sexual behavior has affected a marriage. This ranges from affairs to pornography, to other things. The culture is no friend to marriage, and it is everywhere. OK, so now that you understand those 2 things about us, here was the dream.
We had some folks coming over, and it was going to be a lot of them. We were planning on a houseful, friends, and friends of friends who would be coming. Well, as usual, I ran back to our bedroom to shower and get ready before the guests arrived. I had just finished my shower, was putting on my shirt, and was standing in our bedroom in my underwear (a vulnerable, but not completely, position). As I am standing there buttoning my shirt, the door to the bedroom flies open. I say, “Excuse me”
A young couples stumbles through the door, kissing and groping, they look up at me and say, “It’s ok”, and keep going at it. They then fall on my bed and start going even further. I am standing there shocked, and not amused. I am getting ready to grab them and shove them out my door, when I woke up.
As I was thinking about this dream, I realized how true it is. The most intimate, private part of our marriages are being defiled by outside things. We see pictures of half naked women (and incidentally men), all over the place. We get painting of how wonderful the perfect husband or wife is, even from Christian sources, Pornography encroaches in almost every aspect of life. In short, junk comes into the most private and intimate part of our lives, our bedroom, and sometimes there isn’t much we can do to keep it from coming in. I woke up from my dream ticked off. I was angry that my bed, my room, my privacy had been violated.
Frankly, that’s what you need to be too. You need to be angry, and you need to do what I was about to do, just before I woke up. Throw it out. What is it that has come into your most private, intimate part of your marriage? What has invaded that space? Is it work? Does work take a higher priority than your spouse, how about your computer or your phone? How about the kids? I dare you to ask your spouse!!!!You need to be angry about the things that violate the most intimate places of your marriage! Click To Tweet
What about your mind? Is your fantasy of the perfect husband, or the perfect wife, the better husband, the younger wife, the nicer husband, the sweeter wife interfering with your marriage? Is it pornography? Is it an affair, even an emotional affair, or worse, an affair that is one sided, you want the affair and the other person may never know? It can even be your “ministry”. Taking care of others, or doing the very thing you love, that God has called you to, that has pulled you away from the intimacy with your spouse. What has barged into the privacy of your marriage, and started to take away the relationship that should only be between you and your spouse.
Might I gently suggest that you pick it up by the scruff of the neck, and unceremoniously through it out the door. Like I said, my dream really kind of made me mad. I know where it is coming from. The beauty of sex has been marred by some of the things that we are dealing with in our work with others, and it makes me mad. Not at them, mind you, they are struggling too, but at the one who wants to steal, destroy and take the beautiful and make it perverse. But that dream helped me determine that I am going to do my best to do my part to rid our marriage of the things that steal our intimacy. How about you?